That Which Should Not Have to Be Said

For real. There are just some things that are understood. Things you do not have to be told. Our mere existence on this planet has armed us with the understanding that there are actions one takes and those one avoids. And we all know that one person who has no common sense and has to be told these things.

Yeah. Living with a small child is no different. Parenthood of these incompletely developed people is an exercise in explaining/ shouting/ pleading that which should not need to be said. Here, in no particular order, is my Top Ten.

10. Do NOT eat your boogers. (Variations: Do NOT wipe your boogers on the wall; who wiped their booger on the wall?!?)

9. Please put your penis in your pants. That is not a body part we show others.

8. It is not okay to throw the entire roll of toilet paper, still in roll formation, into the toilet and flush. Please do not do that again.

7. No, you may not poop on your brother.

6. I know you no longer like that toy. Please do not throw it out of the second floor window! (Related: Do NOT remove your screen from your window. Also related: No, you may not just sit on the roof.)

5. No, we do not turn our step stools upside down and pee in them. Yes, even though it's in the bathroom.

4. No, it isn't okay to smack your brother in the mouth, but thank you for asking first.

3. No! We do NOT put lotion up our butts. Lotion is to go only on the skin we can see.

2. No, it will NOT be okay if you just drive my car "a little bit". Driving cars is only for grown-ups.

1. No! Do NOT microwave your toy trucks!

I'm sure there's more. Even if there isn't, there will be, because this is the kind of stuff I have to say daily, usually multiple times per day. And just when one is reeling from the ridiculousness of one statement, something even worse needs to be said the next time. In other words, stay tuned.